Expense Account

Dear Party of 5 or More,

I totally understand that you have a budget on your corporate card and that you need to report your expenses.  I also understand that none of you has the authority to purchase the entire meal.  I will happily split your check 5 or more ways and give each of you itemized receipts.  But for the love of god, please, tell me when your meal is beginning!  It will make this process so much smoother.  While I'm on the subject; if you don't all need separate checks but you want to split the bill so that one person pays $27.33 and another $52.89, ect. please reconsider.  The odds favor someone making an error at some point in the process and that upsets everyone.  It upsets me, it upsets you, it upsets my boss.  In summation, if you need to split a bill plan ahead and tell me at the start of your meal, not 5 minutes before you absolutely MUST be back at your desk or wherever it is you have to be and we will all be happier when you leave.

Sincerely,
Your Waitress