Dear Customers Waiting an Inordinately Long Time for a Table,
I promise its nothing personal. I want you to be able to sit down and enjoy your meal right now. I'm sorry that its not possible, even though it should be. I know four different tables have finished eating. Unfortunately I do not have a metal claw that extracts their money and pays there check for them. Nor, most regrettably, do I have a button that opens a hole in the floor under them or powers a rocket in their seat. Believe me if I had some ingenious device to speed the removal of customers from tables on busy nights I would use it. Particularly if the device also had some comedic value. Alas I am not privileged with such awesome technology; therefore, we will all just have to wait for them to leave of their own accord.
Sincerely,
The Hostess
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